Hi, I am Catherine and I am currently readjusting to life without gambling. On this 29th January 2007, it's officially 10th year of my recovery process, but I will always remember my history with gambling addiction.
Betting dependence took virtually all I had from me like family, friends, fame, occupations, my home, car, almost my marriage and cost me way more than money; it nearly causes me to lose my life twice to self-murder. Concurrently, I was as well hurting from unknown physiological & emotional health challenges and ailments I had no idea about till 2002.
I crawled my way from the darkness, depression, and emptiness.
My First Failed Suicide Attempt
I opened my eyes in a room at the hospital, I could feel my wrist wrapped up in bandages, I heard people talking about knives, but I lost conscious again. All I recollect was everything turning dark in emptiness. Now I realize I was experiencing mind and body failure. A mental/emotional knockout. From there I moved to a dependence/mental crisis base.
I was on suicide watch the initial few days. Not long after, a psychiatrist began to work with me. And indisputably, I was an impulsive gambler also. Thus, I began working with an addictions advocate too.
Before that, I tried to cure my gambling addiction on my own because I felt like I could hold myself, but it did not work, I got back to gambling several times, even when I was in the treatment centre. But it seemed like I could still go on with my life.
Even after staying for 20 days in a crisis centre and self-murder attempt!
What Was Wrong With Me?
It's known as DEPENDENCE. Addictions are abnormal behaviours which are extremely tough to end. However, the condition isn't hopeless. What's more, this wasn't my last time I would work this circuit.
Not because the compulsive gambling, I committed suicide again in 2006 for being unable to cope with the pressure of financial issues. It felt like I haven't completely recover my life including my financial condition.
First lesson? A properly balanced recovery program. But in 2006 I as well just required to be normal, live life in recuperation without having to take medications for psychological/emotional problems. Hence, I ceased taking them believing it was just the gambling that was inducing my mental malady issues of PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. Just for two weeks with no medications, I was back to desperation and suicidal thoughts. So what helped me? Without been pressured, I began taking my medicines. I was clearly at that period of anguish which was depressing.
I was taken back to the remedial centre where I stayed for more than two weeks amidst intense alertness by my loved ones and those in charge to prevent me from doing the worse.
When discharged this time, I had learned from my mistakes that I have to use drugs to manage my mental/emotional health and happiness as they refer to this as being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Recuperation with even negative encounters, sprinkled with some "confidence" can indicate us numerous life lessons in recuperation. If we are not studying them, we won't notice our development. Notwithstanding when you are not taking part in your inclination of enslavement, we can at present have issues emerge and life challenges in recuperation, so being readied is imperative.
Where Can I Be Going With This Part Of My Story?
In the first place, the propensities and practices that we learn and get inside any dependence and "the cycle" of any habit should be hindered and taken away for us to have a shot at a genuine fair recuperation. Balance is the key in your recuperation way also. Acknowledge the necessary skills and tools in the therapy to treat your addiction, don't give any space in you for making excuses, refusal, and others.
Second, come to acknowledge that recuperation is a deep rooted prepare. It is as necessary to agree as Step one, complete surrender.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Plan' is essential for anyone who commences recovery and wants it for a relatively long period of time. We all understand that life situations take place. Indeed, even upbeat or positive occasions, not simply negative or terrible ones.
This accounts for the multitudes of questions by several popular sites when checking if you are addicted to gambling. It is the reason they posture #19.) "Did you ever have a desire to commend any favourable luck by a couple of hours of betting?" YES! For me, even when things wonderful took place, I would need to jubilee by going purportedly to have some "fun" gambling. Be that as it may, my habit was so terrible I required anything I could seize to recuperate, not simply Gamblers Anonymous.
I used the encounter I have with men and connections there for my assistance and hearing out other addicts with similar opinions and maintain my point of view about how treacherous and crafty this ailment is. Frankly, those sites made me aware of how valuable my experience is during the remedial period same way the experience of others was of immense benefits to me.
People need to start opening their minds and be reminded about this subtle addiction. There is a need to demolish the delusions and fabricated stories around addictions. This is the shortest and easiest path to eliminate the shame often associated with the addicted and those on the path to recovery. It is undeniable that mental issues in recovery is a tough way to face, but I hope my story can be a light in the darkness for some people that almost lose their strength and hope that recovery can actually work. It is still possible for patients to have beautiful, happy live ahead.